Finding Some Peace in a Hectic Time

With one week until the election, I've got a lot on my mind -- hopes, concerns and comments about what we may see in the first 100 days of the next administration. But rather than try and sort it all out tonight, I instead want to focus on something peaceful -- something to calm my mind and get me to regain some balance. It's a photo I took a few years ago of a place where I go often to seek peace and solace - Washington National Cathedral.

Sharing History

One of MB's favorite activities at her Montessori school is the weekly show-and-tell time on Tuesdays. Typically, there's no set item that she and her classmates must bring, and often she takes along one of her Disney princess dolls or something having to do with ballet class. I've never actually been able to be there on a day where they've done show-and-tell, and it seems that it's often forgettable for the kids -- as evidenced by the fact that when I ask her what the other kids bring, she gives me a shrug and the "I don't know" look.

This week, the teachers asked that each child bring something relating to their family. Based on what A. told me after the fact, most of the kids ignored the request and brought random items. MB, however, went armed with part of her history -- photographs of her family.

Having a father who spent many years as a professional genealogist and has loved preserving our family's history for as long as I can remember, I've been fortunate to be able to see and read things about my family that are absolutely fascinating. For me, the old photographs are the most amazing thing, and my father has taken great care to scan as many of them as possible so that my siblings and I will have them for many years to come. Out of that collection, I printed several for MB that while not holding any special significance for her now will be very important to her and her sister in later years. I think the greatest gift we can pass on to our children (besides our love and support) is our family legacy, and I hope to do that as much possible in the years ahead.

To round out the story, I'd like to share a few of them here:

This first picture (left) is of one of my great-great-great grandmothers, taken not long before her death in 1919. I see someone who has had a difficult life and who is very tired, but who also seems very much at peace.






The picture on the right is of one set of my great-great grandparents, taken on their wedding day in 1906. In contrast to the first picture, I see youth, optimism and life's road that's wide open before them.

And finally, an example of the multi-generational photos that I love so much; the photo below was taken when I was just two or three years old and is of me (the really happy looking chap), my father, my grandfather, and my great-grandmother. She was the only grandparent of that generation who lived long enough to see any of her great-grandchildren; sadly, I only have an extremely vague recollection of her -- and judging from how thrilled I look in this picture, I must be blocking memories of the day.

Further Thoughts on Colin Powell

I suppose that I'm too much of an optimist to hope that in the 24 hours since Colin Powell announced his support of Senator Obama, those who were vehemently opposed to that endorsement (and who were making comments to that effect) would have at least taken the time to listen to the entire interview on "Meet the Press." Again, even though I'm disappointed by the announcement, I thought Powell gave a very eloquent explanation as to why he came to this decision -- and at the end of the day he stills has my respect.

However, the messages coming across on a few political message boards to which I belong told a different story; a few examples (with the names removed to protect their privacy):

• "I'm sorry, I don't get it, never have. Powell took credit for Schwartzkopf's [sic] achievements in Desert Storm, then used it to push his career as a politician. Norman, on the other hand, retired and quietly lives in Florida. Powell has done nothing to deserve being anyone's hero. He wasn't a soldier. He was a paper pushing bureaucrat and a politician."
  
  
• "Colin Powell got us into the war in Iraq under false pretenses (and fake Anthrax)... Should we trust him now with his latest "flimsy" endorsement of Barack Obama?"
  
  
• "I was heartbroken to hear this. Just heartbroken. He was one of my heros [sic]. I had tremendous respect for him and thought he was a great example to all."
  
  
• "Here, after so many years we learned to treat every person as human without color or religion preferences, and out come in someone who was self proclaimed republican uttering such nonsense, and only reinforce the old bias against the black race. What a shame!"

I think you get the idea; there were certainly a lot more like this. While I can't rebut all of the comments flying around now, I'd like to offer a few thoughts on these comments (in order that I posted them).

1. Powell was and is, first and foremost, a soldier. When he retired from the military, he didn't actively seek any political or bureaucratic job; he was asked by several different presidents to serve, and being the good soldier he did what he felt was his duty. And by declining the opportunity he had to run for president in 1996, he pretty much killed any pretense that he was a politician.

2. Setting aside the argument about Powell's role in the leadup to the war in Iraq, I don't think his argument for Obama was flimsy. As with everything he's done in his life, it was a rational and well thought-out explanation. Good soldiers, especially those who make four-star rank, never do anything flimsily.

3. Was one of your heroes? Every hero I can think of has some sort of flaw; for a lot of folks during the past few days, it is that Powell went across party lines to endorse Obama. But is the fact that you disagree with one decision in a 71-year life enough reason to completely dismiss the high regard in which you held him in previous years?

4. I am so tired of race being an issue in this campaign. Support Obama or McCain, it's a race issue; oppose Obama or McCain, and it's a race issue. For me, the argument has no merit; yes, there are many voters for whom race is a significant issue, but to try and focus so much time on something that to me is a poor excuse for opposing a candidate is ridiculous. During his "Meet the Press" interview, Powell even went so far as to say up front that he wasn't going to support McCain because they were friends, and he wasn't going to support Obama because he was black. It's sad that here we are in the 21st century and a man's word can't be taken anymore. And I can hear the folks now, saying, "Well, if he hadn't lied at the UN, maybe we'd believe him now."

In the long run, I don't think this endorsement is going to sway many voters one way or another, being instead just a feather of support in Obama's cap. People just need to accept it and move on, and focus on issues that ultimately will make a difference in the final 15 days of this race.

Powell Endorses Obama

After months of rumors and speculation, Secretary Powell formally announced his support of Barack Obama this morning. Almost immediately, I started getting emails from folks who were outraged about his decision, who (regretfully) tried to paint it as yet a further example of a black man feeling duty bound to support another black man, and who said he was doing this as a way of getting revenge against the Bush Administration for the failures he witnessed during his four years at the State Department.

I have too much respect for Colin Powell to believe that any of those are true. I've long been an admirer of his life career, and having done extensive reading him over the years (including Karen Deyoung's outstanding biography Soldier) have found that he never makes any decision based on political motivation. Yes, he proclaimed himself a Republican several years ago, but his politics have always been tempered more by a sense of moderation (echoed by his statement on "Meet the Press" this morning that the Republican Party is moving too far to the right). In fact, one of the reasons he chose not to run for president in 1996 was because he was never certain that -- regardless of his popularity with the American public -- he could garner enough support from the conservative base to make it through the primary process.

I also think that he's been a good leader because he's been able to support AND oppose policies of all three presidents under whom he has served (George H. W. Bush, Clinton, and the current President Bush). And because of the approach he has taken to decisions throughout his career, I definitely don't think that his support of Obama came without much careful consideration (and not purely as a "revenge" factor, as some are already proclaiming).

If Obama wins the election on November 4, and if (hypothetically) he were to ask me for my opinion on next steps, my first recommendation would be that he nominate Secretary Powell to return to the State Department. While only a member of the Bush cabinet for four years, his time there and his distinguished military career are among the reasons why he is still held in such high regard overseas. Part of the reason he only served four years at State was because he had a strong difference of opinion with the administration on many foreign policy issues -- and I disagreed then as I do now with the request that he move on because any effective president should have cabinet officers who can disagree and argue the opposite side of an issue. A cabinet full of "yes men/women" is not an effective cabinet, and I strongly suspect that Powell would bring that same level of healthy skepticism to the next administration.

So am I disappointed in Powell's announcement? Perhaps. Am I disappointed in Powell? Absolutely not. If anything, I'm now anxious to see what role this man that I admire so much will play for the next president, be it McCain or Obama.

Autumn Memories

Today, while sitting in our little outdoor office surfing the web and enjoying the autum breeze blowing through the windows, something triggered a memory of some songs I first heard several years ago at right about this time of year. Don't know if it was the wind or the leaves or the sounds of the kids playing next door, but the memories came back hard and fast.

The songs are from the great John Lee Hooker album, "Best of Friends," and feature Carlos Santana. They are among the best I've ever heard, and I've posted the videos for each here for you to enjoy on this beautiful autumn day...

A Campaign Comedy Break

It's nice, even for one evening, to take a break from the grind of increasingly partisan, increasingly bitter, increasingly intense presidential politics. Thank goodness for the annual Al Smith dinner in New York, and for Senators Obama and McCain having the opportunity to poke fun at each other for even just a bit. And with that, here are the clips of the two candidates for you to enjoy.

An Anthem for the End of the Week

A setting of "The Lord Bless You and Keep You," by the English composer John Rutter. After the chaotic week this country and the world has experienced, a peaceful way to bring things to a close.

Helping Parents Cope with Grief

It's rare that I post an entire news article on my blog, but I read this one from the Washington Post this morning and it brought me to tears -- not just as a parent but as a human being. A. and I are so blessed that we have never been through what this article describes, but there are so many others who haven't been so fortunate. As I read the story I became very conflicted about how I truly felt about this; I was certainly emotional (I don't know how anyone could read this and not be), but it was also difficult for me to see this sort of thing being done. Until someone has actually been through this, though (God forbid), there's no way of knowing how anyone would deal with the circumstances.

Regardless, my prayers go out to the parents who have been through this and to the photographers who give so much of themselves (their time and little parts of their spirit) to provide this gift for grieving families. The entire story (along with the link) and the photograph are from the Post story.

Photographers Help Grieving Parents Take the First Step in Healing
By Emily Langer
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, September 30, 2008; HE01
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/26/AR2008092603088.html

A white rose hanging outside the doorway tells nurses that the family in this one room of the maternity ward at Inova Alexandria Hospital is different. It puts them on notice not to tiptoe around the curtain smiling, ready to coo at a sleeping baby and congratulate the new parents. That's because this couple is not experiencing the happiest day of their lives, but possibly the saddest: Their daughter, several months premature, was stillborn, one of the 25,000 stillborn each year in the United States.

Julia MacInnis, a 40-year-old Alexandria-based photographer, has walked into 18 such hospital rooms during the past year. She is one of 5,500 volunteers for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a nonprofit organization that offers to send, at no charge, photographers to capture images of babies who have died or who are unlikely to live more than a few hours or days.

Many mothers and fathers who have lost their children go home from the hospital with their baby's blankets, a lock of hair or maybe a Polaroid photo snapped by a nurse. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep steps in when parents believe that something more might help them heal.

The death of a child might seem too wrenching a moment to share with a photographer whom the parents have never met and are unlikely to see again. But many parents who turn to Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep later cherish the photos taken of their babies. Sherry Petri, a labor and delivery nurse at Potomac Hospital in Woodbridge, who lost her baby in 2005, offers to call Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep on behalf of patients whose babies have died. Some decline, but of those who choose to have the photographs taken, Petri says, she has "never known of anybody who had misgivings."

Maureen Porto, 34, a photographer from Annapolis who has done nine photo sessions, said that some families wait days or even weeks to look at their photos. She remembers one mother who wrote her months after her baby died: "I was grieving that day," she said. "Did I thank you enough?"

* * *

Late one Sunday night several weeks ago, in the dimly lit room at Inova Alexandria, MacInnis offered her condolences to the parents of the stillborn baby girl. The mother was resting in bed, while her husband, dressed in jeans and a green T-shirt, sat on a couch near the couple's birth assistant. Their daughter, her head no bigger than a fist and her mouth slightly open, lay swaddled in a blanket next to her mother.

After the father signed a consent form and the mother tied back her long hair, MacInnis began her work. First she photographed the mother holding her baby against her chest, skin to skin. Then the father joined them, kneeling on the ground next to his wife's bed and leaning his head on her shoulder.

As MacInnis worked, a silver Tiffany & Co. bracelet jingled around her wrist, the heart-shaped charms inscribed with the names and birth dates of her sons, ages 8 and 5. "I do this [volunteering] because I have two healthy children," she said, "and I'm grateful for that."
MacInnis prompted the mother to wrap the baby's fingers around her pinky, and with a click the moment was captured. When a nurse came in to hug the parents goodbye, there was another click -- that moment captured, too.

After about 30 minutes with the family, MacInnis requested that the baby be brought to a better-lit room where she could take a few more pictures. This is the last step in all the sessions she does for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and it's often the last time that parents see their newborns. And so it was for this mother: After a moment alone with her daughter, she watched her husband carry their baby away. Waiting in the hallway, MacInnis could hear the woman crying.

MacInnis walked with the father down the quiet hall to another room, where he placed his daughter in a bassinet and unswaddled her. MacInnis asked a nurse to clean the baby's soles, still stained with the ink used to take her footprint. She zoomed in on the father's hand cupping her tiny feet.

By midnight, MacInnis had snapped her final shots. As she packed up her camera and three lenses, the father lingered for a few minutes with his daughter. Then he left the room and returned to his wife. They had both said goodbye.

* * *

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep was born of a tragedy. The organization was founded in Colorado in April 2005 by two women: Cheryl Haggard, the mother of a baby who had recently died, and Sandy Puc', a nationally known photographer whom Haggard and her husband had asked to photograph their son before and after he was taken off life support. While Haggard was in the hospital, another baby died; saddened that, unlike her family, those parents did not go home with photos of their child, Haggard worked with Puc' to form a group of photographers that would serve all families such as theirs.

By July, they had recruited 350 volunteer photographers; in less than two years, they were 2,500 strong. After the organization was featured on NBC's "Today" show this past March, that number exploded to more than 5,000. The network stretches to more than 25 countries, from Israel to South Africa to China, according to the organization.

MacInnis, area co-coordinator with Marirosa Anderson, estimates that the organization, which has no religious affiliation, has a dozen active photographers in the D.C. region. They are most often called to Inova Alexandria, Inova Fairfax Hospital and Reston Hospital Center in Virginia, as well as Holy Cross Hospital and the National Naval Medical Center in Maryland. MacInnis is reaching out to other hospitals so that labor and delivery nurses know about their services.

She is also trying to recruit more photographers; only once did she have to turn away a family because no one was available to go to the hospital, and she wants Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep to be able to cover all requests in the area. Volunteers are required to be professional (though not necessarily full-time) photographers and need to be available to go to hospitals with little notice. MacInnis tries to prepare them for the grief that they will witness, but that's not always easy to do.

Most photographers working with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep are women, and many talk about their admiration for the mothers they meet. Porto said that she is "floored" by their strength; some of them had known for 20 weeks or more that their babies wouldn't survive.
Les Henig of Garrett Park, the father of four grown children and five foster children, has done five photo sessions. "I see a lot of emotion [in fathers]," said Henig, 60. "In every case, [I see] as much emotion from fathers as mothers."

At 24, Mary Kate McKenna of Silver Spring is the youngest volunteer in the area. Any photographer working with the organization has a "huge responsibility," she said. "There can't be a reshoot. . . . This is [the family's] one chance."

The work "calls on . . . resources that I didn't know I had," said another photographer, Sarah Hodzic, 32, of Arlington. "I always cry."

On the way home from the hospital, MacInnis sometimes listens to rock music to decompress. This summer, she photographed a baby boy who had died in utero several days earlier; weeks later, she was still dreaming about him.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep has a password-protected online forum where photographers can correspond with one another. As many as 500 of the volunteers sign on every day to write about their experiences or to ask for help editing images before sending them to families.

The photographers use editing software to smooth over skin that has begun to break down and touch up abrasions and bruises, but Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep asks them not to alter any deformities. The organization generally doesn't photograph babies whose gestation has lasted less than 25 weeks, but some volunteers make exceptions when they feel comfortable doing so. Almost all photographers opt to give families black-and-white photographs; not only do they have a more timeless quality than color images, but they are also more forgiving of the discoloration or tearing of a premature baby's skin.

"Our goal is to revive comforting images of the babies," MacInnis said. But sometimes, she said, "there's only so much that we can do."

Postmortem pictures such as those offered by Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep have been around practically as long as the camera itself. During the 1800s, dead children were photographed in peaceful poses, as if they were sleeping. Infant mortality might seem like something from the Victorian era -- an antiquated heartbreak -- yet, as Henig said, "it is still with us."

Debbie Schechter, a counselor at Washington's Wendt Center for Loss and Healing and the mother of a boy who died at age 5 of a brain tumor, said parents shouldn't worry that looking at the photos will be emotionally damaging. Part of the grieving process is memorializing the loss, such as through a funeral, and making a place for the loved one. That could be in heaven, she said, but also in a photo album.

The parents who left Inova Alexandria without their daughter are just beginning that process. "We didn't get to see the color of her eyes, or her smile, or feel her grip our finger," the mother wrote in an e-mail two weeks after her baby died. "Our photographs are one of the few connections we have to our daughter. I can't imagine what we would do without them."

A Great Peter Sellers Film

I had always heard that Peter Sellers was a much greater actor than the bumbling detective from the Pink Panther movies, but I wasn't really interested in renting "What's New, Pussycat" or "Dr. Strangelove" or any of a number of other films to find out what else he did during his career. (Not, of course, these are necessarily his best work; they were just the first two that came to mind.)

However, after A. and I recently watched the made-for-HBO movie, "The Life and Death of Peter Sellers," and I became curious about the film "Being There." Based on what I learned from the biopic, the novel by Jerzy Kosinski was Sellers' obsession for the last two decades or so of his life and he was determined that the film would be made with him in the lead role. Ultimately, it was made and Sellers was nominated for an Oscar (which he didn't win, although he did take home the Golden Globe and several other awards).

In my opinion, Sellers should have won. "Being There" is an amazing film, and Sellers is fantastic in the role as Chance the Gardener/Chauncey Gardiner. The story of this simple man who goes through life mimicing what he sees on television and learns from his interaction with other people is both very humorous, very biting, and in some ways very sad. A short explanation of why I think each applies:

• Very humorous: It's Peter Sellers; of course it's going to be funny! He does a wonderful job with his facial expressions, but it's the delivery of his lines and the instances of very subdued physical comedy that give this film its laughs (along with some of the lines delivered by other characters in the film).
  


• Very biting: In watching the way Chance progresses through the story, inadvertently gaining more and more fame simply for talking about his garden and repeating other lines and gestures that he has picked up from others, I was reminded of what's going on in Washington now. Politicians from both sides of the aisle referring constantly to talking points, towing the party line, and sometimes not wanting/trying/able to give a straight answer to a simple question -- all of these seemed reflected in the character of Chance who gave his own version of talking points and the party line (with straight repetition) and giving convoluded answers to simple questions (with his constant analogies dealing with gardening and the seasons). By the end of the film, all of this had come together to such a degree that the presidency was being thrown around (I hate to say too much out of the hope that you will rent this film) -- and the irony of comparing this story with a real/the current campaign is very apparent and very cutting.
  


• Very sad: Chance spends so much of his life alone, and even as the film progresses and he is surrounded by more and more people he is still alone. The sadness of not knowing how to read or write; the sadness of not knowing what to do when his employer dies; the sadness of not knowing how to deal with real people who are so different from the people/characters he sees on television; the sadness of not knowing how to recognize when he is being loved or how to show love.

Even though this film was made nearly 30 years ago, it is still really relevant and well worth watching. And I think Sellers gives a brilliant performance. On my scale, five out of five stars -- definitely rent this film. I liked it so much that I'm going to buy it and add it to the family film library.

Thomas Friedman in D.C.

Several years ago, while attending the National Book Festival on the Mall here in Washington, I kept overhearing folks who were scrambling to make the lecture and booksigning that someone name Thomas Friedman was having for his new work, The World is Flat. He certainly had one of the longest lines of the day, and I left with his name tucked in the back of my mind.

A few weeks ago, I saw that Politics and Prose, an independent bookstore here in the Washington area and a district institution for a number of years, was hosting Friedman (in conjunction with New Republic magazine) at the Historic 6th and I Street Synagogue. I have to admit that I was a bit curious -- still thinking of what I had heard on the Mall a few years ago but also recognizing that is a New York Times columnist who is often critical of some things which I support. However, I'm a believer that if you are going to strengthen your own position on things you have to study both sides of the debate, so I ordered some tickets for tonight's event.

The focus of his lecture was on the next big industrial revolution, which he thinks will be the ET age, and which is covered in his newest book, Hot, Flat, and Crowded: Why We Need a Green Revolution--and How It Can Renew America. Just as the last big revolution focused on IT systems and development, the next one will focus on the development of environmental technology -- and the country that is able to capitalize on new environmental technology first will be the next global leader. He also talked at some length on why it is important to the growth of democracy (aside from the future of our energy needs) that what he terms "petrodictatorships" need to be brought to an end.

I think that after seeing how Al Gore and his environmental crusade and PowerPoint presentation was always being thrust in front of us, I was a bit concerned about how in-your-face Friedman would be with his take on things. Surprisingly -- and pleasantly -- what the audience got was a very calm, quiet (sometimes too quiet; I heard many folks sitting near me during the course of the evening complain that they couldn't hear him) and often humorous explanation of what he sees happening and what he thinks we still need to do. Just a few points of what he brought up (and I only wish that I had been taking notes; guess I'll be reading the book now!!):

• When he was born in 1953, there were about 3.6 billion people on the planet; by the time we get to the year 2053, there will be over 9 billion people on the planet. More people would have been added to the population over the course of his lifetime than were alive when he was born.
  
  
• Currently, there are 1.6 billion on the planet who are not on the power grid at all -- meaning that there are 1.6 billion people who will never have access to any sort of meaningful education the tremendous amounts of information that make up 99 percent of what we know, and who will never have the tools to try and discover the one percent of things remaining to be discovered.
  
  
• The IT revolution was easy; the folks who were creating Google and Apple and the Internet were coming up with something new and didn't have anything to try and overcome. One of the biggest challenges of the ET revolution will be trying to come up with something new without relying on the dirty, environmentally-unfriendly sources already in place.
  
  
• Throughout history, as oil prices fell democracy took hold. As an example, he used the year 1991 -- oil was at $18 a barrel, and the Soviet Union fell. He has developed an entire graph of two inverse lines, which show a rise in the growth of free societies and democratic governments as the price of oil falls. As Friedman said (somewhat paraphrased her), "What was the first country in the Middle East to disccover oil? Bahrain. What was the first country in the Middle East to run out of oil? Bahrain? What was the first country in the Middle East to have democratic elections? Bahrain. What was the first country in the Middle East to have a free and open society? Bahrain."
  
  
• One bit of humor: a study showed that the average golfer walks 922 miles per year. The average golfer also drinks 22 gallons of liquor per year. "That means the average golfer gets 41 miles to the gallon."

There was a great deal more he said and which I look forward to studying at greater length in his book. In fact, his 40 minute talk extended to nearly an hour and twenty minutes, and I could have listened to much more. He has definitely given me a great deal to think about and has increased my interest in learning more about the green revolution that is upon us and what my family and I can do to take part. If you see that Friedman is going to be in your area, I would highly recommend you go to listen to him -- it will certainly be memorable.